Review: We tried the Bartesian Cocktail Machine for the holidays

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No, this isn't a bar — it's actually a full-service cocktail lounge that you can bring into your home and place on your bar cart or countertop.

The Bartesian Cocktail Maker really can do all that and more, and we have all the delicious details after reviewing a unit ourselves. Don't worry, we are writing this totally sober, letting our review serve as an aperitif before you invest in one yourself.

The Bartesian also makes for a fabulous holiday gift, for the cocktail lover or the person who has everything and loves making memories over a good drink with friends. It even makes a great treat for yourself, should you be hosting holiday parties this year and don't want to hire a bartender for the evening.

Read on for the full story of the cocktail-making machine, plus information on pricing and our unbiased review — was our glass half-full or half-empty?

Well, I personally call mine the cocktail robot, but we’ll explain it a bit more.

The Bartesian Cocktail Maker is like if a Keurig coffee maker and a bartender had a baby. Instead of K-cups and coffer, the Bartesian uses cocktail capsules to create a perfectly mixed drink. The pods each contain one drink's worth of the mixers, be it cranberry juice for a cosmopolitan or a sweet lemon juice mixture for a perfect lemon drop.

The other aspect of the machine is the actual alcohol. The pods are all virgin, so when it's time to craft the cocktail, you also need to fill the bottles on the side of the machine with your spirits of choice. Then, when you insert the pod, you can choose your cocktail strength from a mocktail to a strong drink, telling the Bartesian how much alcohol to use.

That depends on which version you prefer.

For those that love to have a full bar of options when it comes to your base spirits, the four canister Bartesian Premium Cocktail Maker is for you. We found it at a number of retailers and at the Bartesian site for $366, but find it on sale on Amazon right now for just $314 and Walmart for as low as $293.

If you value counter space just as much as craft cocktails, then the smaller Bartesian Duet is a great choice. It's also a good option for those that only like a select few spirtis, as the Duet can hold two alcohols canisters at once. This version retails for $269 on the Bartesian site and will be returning to Walmart in 2023.

Then, the only added expense aside from filling up the canisters with your preferred alcohol, are the cocktail pods themselves. These vary in price, and come in packages with between six and 36 capsules. These can also be purchased on the Bartesian site, as well as at Walmart and Amazon.

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When living in New York City where cocktails can cost $20 each, the Bartesian really is a great investment.

I’ve had the OG Bartesian Premium Cocktail Maker for about a year now, introducing all my friends to it as my personal cocktail robot. It's served up drinks for New Years Eve, pregame drinks for Halloween and a glass or two on weekends for my roommate and I.

Since I do live in a smaller apartment, I was thrilled to try the Bartesian Duet this month, especially since I really only enjoy gin and tequila drinks and could do without the vodka and whiskey canisters anyway.

Both gadgets work the same, and I love the ability to choose my alcohol strength, as sometimes a mocktail or a splash of booze is all I want for a nightcap. They also both use water from the tap and an electricity source to operate, which isn't much at all for a fully functional in-house bar.

I also love that both devices instruct you on which glasses to use, or if a cocktail shaker with ice is required. This is just another layer of brilliance, making me feel like a real bartender with the correct glassware and garnishes — even though I did forget to pick up espresso beans for the top of my martini, the foam it created was restaurant quality!

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The pods themselves are pretty spot on, too, as even after my fair share of cocktails in bars, the Bartesian version stacks up pretty much 1:1. The other perk of the machine is the ability to choose your own spirits, leaving the price and type of alcohol up to you and your preference — feels much better than getting an up-charge at the bar for good liquor.

The only thing I would wish for are more drink types, but I think that isn't too lofty of a goal as there are new capsules being added to the site all the time. Speaking of, I was lucky enough to order before the holidays and got to try the limited edition Holiday Collection 2022 and the Naughty Collection, with seasonal drinks like Spiked Candy Apple and Mocha Bliss Martini to name a few.

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